A Blog By Me

I’ve spent the past week at Lovey Bro’s in Falmouth. Which, if any of you ever come to the Cape for vacation, stay the fuck away from that place. Not only is it a pain in the ass to get to due to the fact that our only major highway doesn’t go to it, you have to take backwards ass Rt 28, it’s a totally depressing place. It’s about as far away from what Cape Cod should be. It’s built up, with a fucking Walmart (which I had to go to, I think it was my second time in that place in my entire life) it’s boring. Not that the Cod is a hopping place to live anyhow. It’s just a sucky place in general. I didn’t like…Eleven o’clock Friday night I found myself calling RoomMate (asshole didn’t pick up his fucking phone) and came to a the lame ass conclusion I was really fucking home sick. And its not like I was a million miles away from home either. I was an hour away.

How fucking sad is that?

I missed my bed.

I missed my shower.

I missed the ugly ass wood paneling in our apartment, and the huge hole in our bathroom floor that I slapped a patch of duct tape on.

I missed Widget, RoomMates batshit kitty, who sleeps with me.

I missed the pigs skull by my bed.

I really missed my mac. (which I have yet to name, MacAngry is pending, who came up with that one????)

I missed RoomMate coming home at midnight and scaring the shit out of me…I missed my home….I’m starting to think that there may be something wrong with me.

I even missed our icebox.

Also. ICK ICK ICK ICK  

STAY OFF NANTUCKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you haven’t read the last Harry Potter book, please note, this post contains spoilers. So if you keep reading, and you get pissed because it’s all wrecked for you now, fuck you, it’s not my fault, I warned you, and you still kept reading.

So, obviously, I finsished the last Potter book the other night, and I gotta say, I wasn’t really all the impressed. I felt it was a lot like the last Pirates of the Caribbean, too much going on, not enough depth, too many irrelevant details and an anti climactic end.

Yea, I know this is a childrens book, but since the beninning it’s evolved past that. It seemed, howver, at times, Rowling was trying too hard to pander to both ends of the spectrum. The adults who read it, and their children. I can’t imagine how much pressure J.K Rowling must have been under to produce such a book that would, more or less, blow the last six out of the water. Unfortunately, she simply didn’t deliver.

I felt the same way I did this time felt like this one time when I had sex for the first time with this guy I really liked and had all these expectations, then once it was all said and done, I was like “Thats IT?!” I don’t know what’s more disappointing, being let down by a book, or finding out the man you’re dating has a two inch dick.

While I was able to appreciate the book on a whole, but mid way though reading it, I simply felt overwhelmed by Harry’s (growing seriously mundane) search for the Horcrux, the Hallows, and Rowling knocking off people left and right simply made me feel frustrated.

And the fact that Quidditch was only brought up a couple times, REALLY pissed me off.

And I also felt that J.K Rowling spent so much time attempting to display how flawed Dumbledore was, than keeping the plot intact. Ok, I get it. Shut up about that, and entertain me.

I felt, of course, the demised of several of the characters was, for a lack of a better word, pathetic. Snape, for example, as far as what his character stood for, deserved a more brutal death. While I was reading that section of the book, it wasn’t until the last paragraph did I realize that he was killed. I had to re-read that a couple times. It felt glossed over and insignificant to a character who, for the most part, has a rather large role opposite Harry, and aside from Voldemort.
As far as Lupin, Tonks, and Fred are concerned, it seemed as if she wrote every characters name on a huge chalk board, closed her eyes, and pointed to random names on it just to pick out who died. It felt like a filler, she just needed to kill characters, and she wanted to get it over with.

Lady, you killed us when you killed Dumbledore and Sirius, you simply made me a little bummed out when you killed everyone else in this book….She knows how to hurt her readers, how to make them cry, laugh and go “HOLY SHIT”. The only time I really felt sad is when Dobby died.

Another thing. How come James and Lily Potter were only 21 when they died??? What person, fictional and otherwise, is going to have a fucking baby and get married at age 21?! I’m not one to talk, but whatever…..

There were parts of the book that really tugged. When Rowling brought to light Snapes undying love for Lily, that made me go “Awwwwwwwww, so saaaaaaaaad.” Dobby’s death was pretty depressing, as was Harry’s desision to bury him by hand rather than use magic. I ended up feeling happy fuzzy feelings for Kreacher after everything went down at Grimmauld Place. During the last battle, I think I would have to say my favorite part was all the house elves running with the knives. I got a really clear and vivid picture of that. Of course.

So, there you have it. I read it. I’m going to have to re-read it a couple more times I think, but I don’t think my feelings to the last book are going to change all that much.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to google and spell check all those stupid fucking words that have the little red jagged lines under them…Which took me FOREVER to do

“Angry, lets go.“

He’s standing behind my bedroom door, he can wait a little longer…

I’m still standing in front of my closet debating on black dress pants for dinner, or a dress….

“OI! ANGRY! NOW! WE’RE GOING TO BE FUCKING LATE!“

Stride over to the door, fling it open, and glare.

“If you think for one fucking second I’m just gonna toss on some random ensemble for tonight you need to check yourself young man.”

He smiles.

Young man.

He’s almost seven years my senior.

“Fucking chicks man…”

“Oh like you’ve forgotten what it’s like to go out to dinner with someone who you don’t have to pay after?”

“And here I thought I could take you out for free.”

he walks over to my closet and starts flipping through the hangers, pauses every couple minutes, flips though some more, makes his mind up, and lays a green pencil skirt and a white V neck on my bed.

Cock an eye brow.

“What about shoes?” I ask

“Sweetheart, you have all about ten seconds to put on that outfit, find a pair of shoes, and move that ass out the door.”

About twenty minutes later we’re pulling up the Inaho, meeting friends and family for dinner. Walking in, I can hear my friend Kyle’s mom and my friend Josh yelling at each other about Iraq. One’s conservative, others a liberal. Once their drunk, they can’t seem to keep their opinions to together….

Sit down at the table, Kyle’s mom looks at me over her wine glass.

“Honey, what the hell are you wearing?“

Look down at my outfit, mumble

“Doan picked it out.“

“Oh my GWAAAAAAD! I KNEW YOU WERE GAY!“

“ I’m not gay.” He says

“You so are! I knew it when you were a little boy!“

Josh and I are dry heaving into our napkins, everyone else is exchanging uncomfortable looks. This goes on for a little while longer until Doan, bright red in the face finally says

“Shannon, what? Do I have to pin you to the ceiling with my dick in order for you to believe I’m straight? Ask Angry, I’m straight.”

Rows of laughter.

The Shannon asks, with her beautifully glazed eyes,

“Angry, so was it good or bad? What do I have to look forward to?”

Wow.

“I gotta go pee!!!”

Run as far away from that table as possible.

Was a wonderful night of wine, sushi, and old friends.

My R.A’s been flaring, making my knees and feet feel like all the nerve endings in them are lit matches burning into my joints. I go with out the shoes these days, I’d rather feel the floor with the pain than a rubberized foot engulfing my toes. Listening to the thud of my heels walking across the hard wood floor of the store, go outside, light a cigarette and stare at my toes, glance at my watch, and wait.

RoomMate and I agreed that I have blinders, like so many people, I’m just like them. I bolt through life, to the end of some tunnel, just eager to get there. I don’t know what’s at the end, neither does anyone else. We don’t pay attention to the bricks that make up the tunnel, we’re just so focused on getting there that we don’t see…I’m getting tiered of this. Everything happens so quickly, one second you’re this fifteen your old girl who doesn’t do her homework, the next your twenty two and bored with life and just trying to get it over with.

Must be nice to have this life… to walk around barefoot at work, smoke, fuck and laugh at precisely timed intervals. Not having to worry about where my next meal is coming from, which cars going to explode around me, of which friend is going out on patrol and not coming back. I try not to think in the morning that I may die in an accident today, I try not to take it all for granted.

But like most people, I have. I crack my joints just to make sure it still hurts like hell, keep myself reminded what pain really does feel like, it’s not some illusion, a mind trick.

It must be nice to be simply bored with life.. Looking back and seeing how hard you fought, just to be listless.

Yesterday I had a woman in the store who more or less felt I treated her in an “unprofessional” “cold” and “rude” manner. I didn’t think I was at all rude, if anything, she was, but whatever, it doesn’t really matter because shes the customer. Anyhow, when I was ringing her up she made a comment like “You should try and not be so rude to people” Before I could say anything, she left. Bye. Fine. Fuck you too bitch. She’s been in the store before, and I’m not exactly a fan of hers. She’s needy, and indecisive. She once tried on about ten different pairs of shoes, and left with none.

Oh, did I mention she’s Japanese? Not like it matters, but, being the white cracker that I am, because I didn’t say ‘boo’ to her while waiting on her, makes me a fucking racist, according to her husband who called after she left.

About an hour and a half after she bought her shoes and left, I guess she went home and complained to hubby about the lack of excellent service here. He called, asked for the manager, to which I responded was me, and he proceeded to bitch and moan about how poorly his wife was treated and how, and I shit thee not, he actually fucking said this “having a Japanese accent shouldn’t have anything to do with how my wife was treated.”

“Sir, are you calling me a racist? Because I was the one who waited on your wife.”

Silence followed by

“Well, we’re just not going to shop at your store anymore.”

“You do that.”

And he hung up on me.

Twenty minutes later, he called back

“Can I speak to the owner?“

“Speaking.”

“Wait, didn’t I just talk to you? Arnt you the manager?”

“Yea, it’s funny how the two are usually one these days. Goodbye sir.”

And I hung up on him

I am not a fucking racist.

Earlier this summer Boss Man and the hair salon out back were at odds with the Church of Some Shit which is directly situated  behind us. Nice people for the most part, but the pastors a major prick. They blast their Sunday sermons at top frikken notch, and it can he heard in the store. Fist day it happened Boss Man wasn’t here, so i didn’t mind, I actually enjoyed the bass. Second week it happened, Boss Man made a few comments about it, same for the third which he finally sent me over. I waited until the singing and everything was over, went out back and asked them to turn it down a bit.

Swear to God I was polite. I said please and thank you, I smiled. I WASN’T RUDE.

Whatever

So, Pastor Man (or whatever he is, oh by the way, their all from Haiti,) comes into the store and pitches a bitch fit with Boss Man, and says

“You don’t have the common decency to come out back and ask yourself! You have your sheet wearing daughter do your dirty work for you.“

1. I’m not his daughter

2. Just because I may sound different than most people around here, doesn’t make me a fucking member of the KKK.

So, who’s the bigot now asshole? You’re going to pigenhole me because I’m white and I sound like I’m from fucking Hicksville? And that asshole husband is going to just assume because his wife is Asian the reason why I acted the way I did is because I don’t like them?

No, asshole, I acted the way I did because she’s a pain in the ass, I’ve got a fucking kidney infection, I’m in pain, I have a headache, and she wouldn’t look me in the eye when I spoke to her. I treated her like I treat every customer I don’t like. Like all the other ones. It’s not because she doesn’t have blue eyes, or blond hair. It’s not because she doesn’t talk like me. If I treated her like crap, IT’S BECAUSE SHE ANNOYS THE FUCK OUT OF ME

How bout this, kiss my Jew ass.

Still feel like crap…miss dead people…wish I was that kid from the Sixth Sense so I could see them once more…Ugh….Joys of crappy kidneys!!!

-Angry

3 am

Yesterday?

This morning?

This morning…….

Goodbye Cape Cod Hospital,

Hello memory foam mattress….

“Sooo, you wanna go watch the sunrise?” I ask

“Yea, sure, while we’re at it, who don’t we run a frikken marathon?” Says he

Hospitals smell like death germs and everything else in between.

I think I’d rather die in my sleep.

I think I’d rather just sit here and stare at the celing,

Count the cracks and to a thousand

Maybe by the time I get there it won’t hurt anymore…

Assholes say that you only live when you hurt

Ok, I’m living

Tomorrow I will be gone

Thank you Beerspitnight for turning me onto Lucero

Reminds me of home. . .

Where ever the fuck that place is….

Home is where the heart is

YEA AND FUCK YOU TOO

Funny how this day in age a person can still lack roots

This day in age

Fucking hell, Listen to me

“Awww when I was your age…”

Right…

Making a mental note to make sure I never have to say those words

Some things never change sweetheart…

And neither do I

Cracked out on non narcotic painkillers

And having a one sided conversation with my mac.

I havent named my mac yet….

First person to come up with a decent idea for a name

Gets….

A pony?

No. I wanna pony…

Control of my page?

No, overdone.

A DOLLAR!!!

I think I got one hanging around here…

Maybe something better,

Lock of the ballerina’s hair?

No, too creepy…

That’s something Evil Spock would do.

Fucking shmuck.

Gives me a migrane with his third person babble

Prize…

Heart? Someone want a heart?

It’s free!

Kinda busted up n shit….

Looks a little Blue too….

Where’s Baby Blue?

Oh, I killed her….Stupid…

Right…

Mac

Name my mac and you get..a.(n)…

Entire day of the Needs of The Few to yourself

Yup.

There we go.

COOL

Girlies, little girles, since you think know that your tits can make you bank, here’s something to keep in mind…

1. Keep in mind that you’re not the only one working that pole, so keep your frikken pussy off it, there are these things called germs. The poles crawling in them anyhow from everyone touching it, don’t make it worse.

2.If your on the rag, cut that fucking string. Jesus H Christ on a raft, I can’t even believe how many chicks think that ‘its not noticeable’. IT’S A GODDAMN WHITE STRING HANGING BETWEEN YOUR LEGS, of COURSE its noticeable!

3. Wax wax WAX. There is nothing less appealing than ingrown hairs, and bumps. It’s up to you weather most of it goes, or all. But make sure you get everything, you know what I mean.

4. This is actually kinda important. Skin care. You’re pretty much working out hard core with make up on, (although I do know some dancers who never wore make up and thats fine, personally, I always caked it on) invest in high end make up, and take care of your skin.

While on the topic of make up, don’t layer it on so you look like a drag queen, remember, soon your not going to be wearing anything, you don’t want your face to look like it’s a frikken rainbow.

Facials are expensive, but they keep your pores clog free. Hair and nails are also important. Along with the aforementioned razor burn, chipped, bitten nails look like shit. Get short acrylics, not the long ass claws. Pedicures also.

5. Oh, right, this is pretty major. Do not go home with the customers. For some clubs this is a big ass no-no. For all the obvious reasons, it’s not safe. I learned this the hard way.

6. Wardrobe Basics.

Note, the clear heel, that’s a given. I hate the clear heel…Ugly, tacky, it’s like the fucking badge for strippers, but their kinda like that ‘little black dress’ that every chick is suppose to have. Simple, they go with everything. And you don’t really need to worry about scuffing them up like white shoes. (I had a pair…) Well, I can’t really talk evidently since I’m a fat classless shit for brains. Whatever.

What was I talking about?

Oh G-Strings and crap. Match. Don’t wear a top that’s got patterns on it, and a G String that doesn’t match. It’s distracting. Since I’m terrible at color coordinating, I went with solids, but that’s me.

Costumes. Keep it simple stupid. This isn’t Halloween, if you look in the mirror and the look doesn’t ‘click’ don’t go with it. Naughty Nurse, French Maids, etc, are over played and terribly cliche, but it’s kinda basic. Depending on the club you end up working at, you may need to invest in a nice slinky gown. Basic G string colors are black and white. When you are buying said g strings, make sure their not too tight. If the elastic on the sides of your hips cuts into the fat more than a couple centimeters, it’s too small, ditto if its too big. If you have to keep adjusting the straps up higher on your hips, too big.

A couple more things on heels. A little test I use to do was put on the shoes, (in the store, yea I looked like a fucking retard) Jump up and down in them, jog, stand on one leg, etc. If I couldn’t keep my balance in them, , or felt the straps were too lose, tight, not strong enough, I didn’t buy them. Theres nothing worse than taking a digger because you bought cheap unstable shoes. Keep in mind too that a lot of these platforms are NOT skid proof, I use to take fine grit sandpaper and glue them to the bottom of my shoes. Until the management got pissed because I was fucking up the floor (which was already nicked up to begin with, if anything, I was making it look nicer).

Go home and walk around in them. Get use to them. Your using muscles in your legs and feet when your in heels that your not use to using. Your legs are going to be very very sore. Best to put those suckers on prior to work and get use to them. Some dancers use ankle weights to strengthen their legs, never tried it, but I heard girls swear by it.

Pay attention to “problem areas” in the shoes, watch for blisters, if you are developing a blister in a certain area, use mole skin or a band aid. Usually when you have some rubbage the skin will toughen up eventually, use enough mole skin or whatever to cover just enough of the area you need. Details.

Oh, one more thing. No pleather outfits!!! I wore one once and I thought that my thighs and arms were going to be red raw forever from chafing. Plus it’s cheap.

7. Drugs and drinking while at work. Don’t do it. Period.

8. In yoga they tell you to honor your body. Same concept here. If you hurt yourself, you’re fucked, you can’t work. If your willing trying something new, practice first. If you go up there and try to act like the shit trying to flip your body around the pole, and you slip, crack your head, you’re done. The last club I worked at let the dancers come in and practice in the back, whats good for the dancers is good for the club. Practice practice practice.

9. Don’t be a catty bitch.

The other dancers are your co workers, not to mention your competition. Don’t start drama, since it’s always going to be there. Keep your head low, be polite to the other dancers, and if you feel like you have stepped on some feet, make it a point to apologize, weather or not you feel you are right or wrong. The last thing you want is to be ‘that stripper’ that all the other girls hate. They will get back at you, and it will usually affect your cash flow. Keep your belongings under lock and fucking key. Literally. Some clubs offer lockers. USE them.

10. Invest in the following

CLEAR deodorant- No one wants to see white build up, gross.

A toiletry kit with all the essentials. Nail file, clippers, tweezers, etc.

Skin Care products- I use Murad, cleanser, toner, gel.

If you dye your hair, get a shampoo and conditioner that is friendly to the tone of your hair. Flat iron, curler hairspray and mousse are a no brainer.

Perfume- I used essential oils, they tend to last longer. Nothing too heavy, and allergy test prior. One nice long lasting perfume that I still wear is Victoria Secret, Pink.

And now, if you will excuse me, I have to go be a melancholy bitch and revel in my former life…