I did something out of the norm this weekend. I had a life and went out with my sorely neglected friends. I laughed. I cried (from laughing, and walking head on into a closed door, which I swear to God, was open). I got a nose bleed. And I drank. A lot. Now, before I go on, I would just like to say this.
I made and had every intention of being a good girl. (please note the use of italics)
I had no intention of letting that wild little thing that lurks inside me, which I had beaten over the head, hog tied, and stuffed in the truck of a Buick Skylark, out of said trunk.
I did not, repeat did NOT intend to get as sloppy shit faced as I did this past weekend.
That being said.
Oh my God I am never drinking again.
Some conversations that summed up the night/weekend very well……(Also, the term “dude” is used on such a constant basis, all forms of the word are applicable in conversation. I have no idea why I wrote that. I’m still hungover)
Me: Dude, I heard that Amy Winehouse snorted vodka.
Shane: Dude I did too!
Me (sitting there with a bottle of vodka in front of me, look over at Shane) Dude
Shane: (grins) Dude. Do it.
So. Now I know how much that hurt, I won’t be doing that again. Ever.
Shane: So, does this mean I can’t get a lap dance?
Me: Uh, not from me…
Look over at Matt.
Me: Hey, how drunk are you?
Matt: Well..Lemme put this way….if you wanted to fuck, I’d have to use my fingers
Dan: I’ll give you 50 bucks if you give Shane a lap dance
Matt:Make it 75 and we got a deal
I have never seen so much homosexuality with so many heterosexual males in my life.
Good weekend, great friends and now a killer hangover.
I couldn’t have asked for more.
So, in conclusion.
That whole thing about snorting vodka, yea, thats a load of fucking bullshit, it doesn’t fuck you up, well, maybe if I wasn’t so hammered to begin with…..Anyway. I don’t suggest doing it, it burns like hell, I wanted to puke, I couldn’t stop coughing and sneezing, and I got a nose bleed. All the while freaking the fuck out that the vodka had gotten into my lungs and I was going to develop some sort of a lung infection, and die.
While I was freaking out over some sort of booze induced pneumonia, Dan tried to calm me down by snorting a shot of vodka also.
Which came shooting out his nose again, drenching his lap with boozy boogery goodness.
Sometimes I miss being buckwild and stupid, and then I wake up the next morning, spend about twenty minutes prior to my shower vomiting every morsal of food i have eaten within the last 2 weeks, and I have to remind myself that I am not, in fact, that wild little thing anymore, and I can’t get away with this anymore, and I’m suppose to be this person who doesn’t kill their hangovers by nursing a bottle of vodka all day.
However.
I made a memory, I didn’t do anything too to stupid, and I was (for the most part) not pushing the envelope to hard. As in, I halted all alcoholic activities after my nose started to bleed.
Somehow, I’m very proud of myself.
Monday, May 12, 2008 at
Well, I did say “hey, you know what, go a little crazy, I want you to have a good time.” And remember I was like “Between one and ten of craziness, ten being like, fucking ending up in jail and no one but me will come and bail your stranded ass out, …go like a three” …Well snorting vodka is probably pushing an 8. Just… fyi.
But hey, that’s why I keep you around, right?
Monday, May 12, 2008 at
AB, that must have hurt like hell. I am proud of you, too, for halting all alcoholic activities after the nosebleed. Just one step at a time…
Monday, May 12, 2008 at
When I was 18 I snorted Jack Daniels. It’d spilled on the table and, of course, just couldn’t let it go to waste. Besides, there’s a song about it, so, like you w/ the Wine grrl, I had to know.
Was prolly better for me since I wasn’t drunk yet when I did it. Niiice, but Hell Yah! it burned! No nose bleed, though.
Other than helping my ex move (my girlfriend and her 2 teen boyz helped too! lol!), I think I’m becoming a hermit… Soooo Glad you had fun with friends.
Monday, May 12, 2008 at
You crack me up. I hope you’re okay, but you crack me up.
Monday, May 12, 2008 at
hilarious… i’ve found that my hangover’s now, are so much worse than they used to be. damn getting older.
Monday, May 12, 2008 at
What DCup said, but more than that I do worry a little about you that you will go one toke over the line……someday. That would be a pisser becuse reading you is a little like reliving my life. Only I survived it. I still smoke cigarettes and a bit of pot every day, but alcohol, not so much now–all my bipolar drugs have this wicked warning on them not to combine with alcohol. So the question for me is “how much do I want to stay out of the looney bin?” The answer is, been there, done that, don’t want to do it again. Good luck little angry ballerina
Monday, May 12, 2008 at
My friend, you have raw talent for facilitating some of the most fucked up scenarios ever recorded for posterity. Consistently classic & grotesque all @ once, they never cease to amaze me…
Must’ve been one hell of a hangover.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008 at
Totally off topic, but I thought I’d let you know that I’m starting up again. Yes, I’m a hypocrite. Sue me.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008 at
James- One word. Bite mark. Wait, thats two words. And you keep me around because I’m the only chick you know who can…err….never mind….
Bear- I guess it did, since my nose is still sore today…..
Mike- HEY! JAMES! SEE! IT’S NOT JUST ME! (Dude you totally just saved my ass)
Tits- Glad you find my stupidity amusing! Not all of us do….
Mindy- Thats because you are old. My hangovers are debilitating.
USMan- Toke? What????
JohnO- Dude, hot mess, fucking hot.
Geoff- YOU STUPID FUCK! Welcome back to B-Ville. You gotta lotta catchin up to do mister. LETS GO LETS GO LETS GO!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008 at
Damn, I’ve never been able to drink, I swear to god, two and I pass out.
Hope you’re feeling better, take lots of grape seed and turmeric, good antioxidants.
(<;
Tuesday, May 13, 2008 at
Hmm… I wonder what would happen if someone snorted cake and ice cream?
Tuesday, May 13, 2008 at
Maggie- Grape seed? Really???
Zaius- I’ll find out for you!!!!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008 at
i fixed vodka once, of course there was a shitload of bolivian coke dissolved in it. never fixed heroin with vodka though. it was polish vodka, i always had a fondness for communist hootch.